fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
