There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
