I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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