Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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