For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
