WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
