it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
