I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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