I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
