i can't believe i had my finger in that
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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