Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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