Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
