dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dick very happy bro
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
