the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize