Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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