I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
