Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
