My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
