and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
