Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
