Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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