I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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