you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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