so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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