i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
