btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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