I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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