My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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