When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize