i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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