there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize