I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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