first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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