So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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