oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
