Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize