there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
