I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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