Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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