Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
