I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
