HIV tests are more positive than that guy
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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