boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize