he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
