The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
