Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
