Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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