real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
