How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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