he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
