Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
