Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
