he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
