he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
