3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
