Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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