I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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