Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize