I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
