she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
