Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
