look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
