you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
