i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
