But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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