at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
