I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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