This girl is more easily done than said...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
