You're completely useless in the revolution.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
