yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
