Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
