so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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