I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
