OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
