first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
