This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
