I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
