Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
