At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
