drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
