I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
