so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
