they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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