she was so not down for the gang bang
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I want to fling myself into the sun
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
