i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
