I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
