after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
