definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
