the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
