$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize