Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
