When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
