I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
as a side note pls kill me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
