my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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