there's paper in my vomit.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
