guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
