happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
